• A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
  • Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
    Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
    Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "What do you mean?"
    Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
  • Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
    Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
    Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
  • I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
  • Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
  • I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
  • Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
  • Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Yeah."
    Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
  • Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
    Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows--because of the icons--I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
    Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --"
    Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
    Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
    Customer: [click]
  • Customer: "My computer crashed!"
    Tech Support: "It crashed?"
    Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
    Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
    Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
    Tech Support: "Huh?"
    Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
    Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
    Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

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